Identity Crisis

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
Assalamualaikum,
it's study week.
and i get some precious time to write something here. just to share something.

Recently attended a talk given by Dr. Aziz Marwan, entitled Borderline, Moderate, Excellent; Which one are you? It seems to be an easy question to answer but no. It's not that easy.

Every single person on Earth wants to be an excellent person. However, how would we define success?

Three aspects;
I want to be a good medical student
I want to be a good daughter
I want to be a good Muslimah

Yet, how would I define a good medical student, a good daughter or a good muslimah?

My definition on all the three, might be different from others. One might define a good medical student is a hardworking student. Thus, he or she will stay all day at the library and read books. Others, might define a good medical student is a student with complete sets of her own notes and he/she will works on it. Thus, it is back on how we define a good medical student.

Just remember that, Success is not a destination, it's a journey!

Well, Dr. managed to transmit 'identity crisis syndrome' to me I think.
Am I good medical student?
Am I good daughter?
Am I good muslimah?

Let's redefine!

Rumah

starting new post with Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. =)

first of all, Assalamualaikum everyone! Sorry for not updating my blog so long. previously, blogging wasn't in my priorities and it was not really because i didn't have time.  =(. i was just being lazy. by the way,  i'm going to break my rules and write in Malay in this post.

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Sahabat, aku menulis kejadian hari itu bukan untuk mengaibkan sesiapa. Percayalah. Aku cuma ingin berkongsi rasa dengan orang lain. Tak semua faham apa yang aku rasakan malam itu. Tak semua memahami air mata itu. Semua orang bebas menafsir, meneka apa ertinya tangisan itu. Tapi mungkin cuma aku yang memahami tangisan aku sendiri.

Malam itu menjadi saksi. Ukhwah kita belum mantap. Rapuh. Jauh lagi nak sampai tahap Rasulullah dengan Saidina Abu Bakar. Rasulullah dengan Saidina Ali. Harits bin Hisyam, Ikrimah bin Abu Jahl, Iyash bin Abi Rabiah dalam Perang Yarmouk.Pertaruhkan nyawa untuk sahabat.

"Ingatkan diorang mudah mengalah..."
Bagai direntap hati ini, saat mendengar kata-kata itu. Air mata yang cuba diseka tak dapat lagi ditahan. Umpama mengantuk disorongkan bantal. Begitulah juga aku. Umpama sebak disorongkan bahu. Mencurah-curah air mata yang turun. Sampai basah tudung labuh sahabat tu. Maaf. Ramai yang tercengang. Perlu ke menangis? I'm sorry. Emosi tak stabil kut malam tu.

Perebutan rumah. Perebutan ahli rumah. Skrip sama barangkali. Cerita sama diulang-ulang setiap tahun mungkin. Cuma pelakonnya yang berbeza. 

Semua ada keinginan masing-masing. Semua ada sebab tersendiri mengapa nak sangat rumah itu. Kadang-kadang rasa tersepit. Pertahankan hak yang diperoleh dengan adil atau korbankan perasaan sendiri dan lepaskan rumah tu. Mungkin sebab dah biasa beralah, memang kalau keputusan itu hanya aku sahaja yang putuskan, aku lepaskan sahaja rumah tu. Tapi bakal teman-teman serumah aku, nak juga pertahankan rumah itu. Ditambah aku sendiri juga pernah berasa cemburu dengan rumah yang cantik itu. Pernah berimpian nak duduk kat rumah tu. 

Maka, aku tidak bersuara melepaskan rumah tu. Walau hati menjerit "bagi je la" namun aku lemah untuk itsar dengan sahabat-sahabat. Rumah je pun. Takkan tak boleh nak korbankan. Rasa lemah sangat iman. Rasa tak berguna. Rasa useless sangat. Rasa macam Allah juga tak redha. Kalau Rasullah berada dalam situasi ini, apa agaknya Rasulullah buat? Perang monolog ini yang membuat hati aku sebak, lalu gugurlah air mata itu. Eceh.

Aku cuba berprasangka baik dengan bakal teman serumah aku yang mempertahankan rumah itu. Walau pun mereka mengatakan mereka nak rumah yang mengadap KLCC, tapi aku percaya tidak semurah itu alasan mereka. Percaya mereka punya alasan tersendiri. Esoknya, aku kuatkan diri, bertanya dengan mereka. 

Betul. Mereka punya alasan. Sesuatu yang kalau aku tidak bertanya mungkin aku tidak tahu. Betul kata salah seorang sahabat. Never assume, Ask! Aku tidak berada di situasi mereka. Maka aku tidak mengerti. Rupanya malam itu, mereka juga menangis. Cuma mereka lebih tabah dari aku. Mereka punya misi yang mulia aku kira. Misi dakwah. Sesuatu yang aku tak terfikir untuk lakukan. Aku percaya dengan mereka. Aku yakin dengan mereka. Aku cuba berjalan dengan memakai kasut mereka. Cuba melihat kehidupan dari tingkap mereka. 

Tapi aku lebih selesa memakai kasut sendiri. Aku juga akan mempertahankan rumah itu seandai aku  berfikiran sama dengan kalian malam itu, hanya jika aku tidak punya kepentingan peribadi. Terasa malu dengan Allah.

Itsar itu susah. Itsar itu kita yang kena buat bukan mengharapkan sahabat kita yang buat. Itsar tak perlu berharap dibalas. 

Kalau belum mampu itsar, sekurang-kurangnya bersangka baiklah dengan sahabat. Janganlah dikeluarkan perkataan yang tidak baik. Bukankah mata pena lebih tajam dari pisau? Sekali pun hanya menggunakan instagram, Facebook mahu pun Twitter. 

Kita tak selalu dapat apa yang kita nak, tapi Allah tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kita. Jom tadabbur al-baqarah, 216. 
"Diwajibkan atas kamu berperang, padahal itu tidak menyenangkan bagimu. Tetapi boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu, padahal itu baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal itu tidak baik bagimu. Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui. "
Saat ini ukhwah kita diuji sedar tak sedar. Antara serendah-rendah ukhwah (bersangka baik), dan setinggi-tinggi ukhwah (isar).
Wallahua'lam.

Ni yang aku postkan kat group sebelum peristiwa malam bersejarah itu. Betul. Kita akan diuji dengan apa yang kita cakap. T_T.

Tapi sungguh, drama "Rumah" ini membuka banyak hikmah. Lebih2 lagi bagi yang kononnya sangat 'islamik' ni, janganlah terlalu mudah melabel kawan2 dengan mengatakan contohnya, "aku tak nak duduk satu rumah ngan dia tu, dia tu suka buat benda lagha" atau "dia tu tak suka solat berjemaah" atau "dia tu makan banyak" (ayat2 rekaan semata-mata). Jangan. Jangan. Jangan.

Seriously, ini adalah peringatan untuk diri sendiri. Tahun depan mungkin ada season 2. Tahun depan lagi satu mungkin ada sekuel tajuk "Group Posting". Konflik sama. Cerita cliche. Akan ada yang nangis. Akan ada yang kena beralah. Akan ada yang tegas. But, in the end i believe all these will strengthen our ukhwah by time. InsyaAllah. =) sengih.
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Post tertangguh. Selamat beribadah di bulan Ramadhan!

Random

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

It has been so long since my last post. Too long actually. It’s study week. And everyone is so busy studying. But I don’t know why, the enthusiasm to write suddenly rushed into me. Well, I’ll consider this as an exercise for my English paper. I just want to share some stories.

Story 1

Yesterday (it was Saturday) , I went to campus to accompany my friend to find her purse that was missed placed. Then, we just stayed back to do some revision. It was just two of us and other seniors of us from 4^th year and dental students.

So before we went back, we decided to perform Zohor prayer. It was just two of us in the surau.  Oh, I forgot to tell that, the seniors of us had their Hadiths class on that day. So, after they had finished their class, they went to surau to perform their prayers too. My friend and I had already performed our prayers when they came to surau.

Our surau are provided with flip-flops for ambulation. So there were pairs of flip-flops scattered in front of the door plus our ‘trendy’ flip-flops. (we share the same entrance to the surau and my friend and I had the same type of flips). So a conversion happened between the seniors in a loud voice,

Senior 1: lipar ni letok sini jugok ko?

Senior 2: ko ado tino sini?

Senior 3: tino paka lipar gini?! Buruk gilo. Lipar aku come lagi.

Did you understand? Let me translate it,

Senior 1: are these slippers are put here too ?(referring to ours)

Senior 2: or there is any girl here? (suspecting that flips belong to girls who are praying behind the curtain. He can’t see us.)

Senior 3: girl wearing such slippers? It is extremely ugly. Mine is cuter.

I was like, ‘what? How dare you insult my foot wear (I don’t know what kind it is actually)’. But guys, you must understand, for us, girls, we like those kind of flips because it is comfortable. Anyway, he made me smile all day actually. Just if he sees my friend and I wearing those foot wear in campus. And I don’t think that guy will read my blog my by the way. Haha..

the gorgeous flip. please don't say that you agree with my seniors!

Story 2

Last few days, my friends and I rented a taxi. What caught our attention was the driver himself. He was a doctor. A phd holder in chemistry from overseas.

 So, at the beginning, from the way he speak, I had already suspected he was not an ordinary person. Suddenly he lend me his business card, stated on that card a title doctor in front of his name, followed by ‘phd, chemistry’. He told us that he has insomnia since he was 13. The longest period he can awake is four days. He said that, maybe this is why he can study until phd for nine years with scholarship.

He has his own company, where he works during day hour while  at night, he will drive taxi that was belong to his late father. I think he is a workaholic.

Story 3

This story is not really a story that really recently happened. It is just a continuous story that reappears. During, our matriculation level there is a guy, who told us that the girls were practicing assabiyah (a term used for people who like to be in their own group only without wanting to mingle with others). Maybe he was referring to our seats in the lecture hall.

I know he has good intention that, he wants us to mingle with others so that the one which is more pious can spread the da’wah to others. But there is something that boys don’t understand about girls. Something that even sometimes I also don’t understand. Scientists believe that the blame should be given to the fluctuation in the hormone. XD.

I believe that girls are made to be attached to person that they trust and comfortable with. That’s why we can see that, they are more attaching to their family and even more loyal to their partner. It’s a bless actually.

But still, he got point, we must not attach ourselves to anything. We should just attach to Allah. Read the first chapter of ‘Reclaim Your Heart’ by Yasmin Mogahed. Being attach to people who are temporary will always break our heart. That's why we need to be just attach to Allah who is eternal. Thus, we must dare to change, if that will bring goodness for Islam.

Ibrah (lessons)

Well, I don’t know whether my writing will made any sense on you, readers or not, but for myself I think, sometimes man are just form Mars, and woman from Venus. There are always many things that we are not agree to each other. The key for us to live in harmony is to understand each other.( I’m referring to story 1 and 3) Ok?!

And never underestimate people even he is taxi driver. 

 I know my english has deteriorated lately.  =(
Btw, please pray for my success!